[Ratigan:] My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy! [Chorus:]
[Ratigan:] Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch celebrates her diamond jubilee. And, with the enthusiastic help of our good friend Mr Flaversham, it promises to be a night she will never forget. Her last night, and my first, as supreme ruler of all mousedom! From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper The head that made headlines in every newspaper And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job That cunning display that made London a sob Now comes the real tour de force Tricky and wicked, of course My earlier crimes were fine for their times But now that I'm at it again An even grimmer plot has been simmering In my great criminal brain [Chorus:] Even meaner? You mean it? Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned? You're the best of the worst around Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan The rest fall behind To Ratigan To Ratigan The world's greatest criminal mind [Ratigan:] Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been champagne and caviar. I've had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate detective, Basil of Baker Street. For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans. I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. But, all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Basil, can stand in my way! All will bow before me! [Chorus:] Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan You're tops and that's that To Ratigan To Ratigan [Bartholomew:] To Ratigan, the world's greatest rat [Ratigan:] What was that? What did you call me? [Thug 1:] Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Professor. [Thug 2:] I-it was just a slip of the tongue. [Ratigan:] I am NOT A RAT! [Thug 3:] 'Course you're not. You're a mouse! [Thug 4:] Yeah, that's right. Right! A mouse. [Thug 5:] Yeah, a big mouse! [Ratigan:] SILENCE! Oh, my dear Bartholomew, I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. You know what happens when someone upsets me. [Bartholomew:] Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan You're the tops and that's that (Oh dear.) To Ratigan To Ratigan To Ratigan, the world's greatest - [Felicia:] Meow. [Ratigan:] Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's little honey bun enjoy her tasty ___? [Felicia:] Urp. [Ratigan:] I trust there will be no further interruptions? And now, as you were singing? [Chorus:] Even louder We'll shout it! No one can doubt what we know you can do You're more evil than even you Oh, Ratigan Oh, Ratigan You're one of a kind To Ratigan To Ratigan The world's greatest criminal mind
Goodbye so soon And isn't this a crime? We know by now that time knows how to fly So here's goodbye so soon You'll find your separate way With time so short I'll say so long And go So soon Goodbye You followed me, I followed you We were like each other's shadows for a while Now as you see, this game is through So although it hurts, I'll try to smile As I say
Goodbye so soon And isn't it a shame? We know by now that time knows how to fly So here's goodbye so soon We'll go our separate ways With time so short I'll say so long And go So soon Goodbye
Dearest friends, dear gentlemen Listen to my song Life down here's been hard for you Life has made you strong Let me lift the mood With my attitude Hey fellas The time is right Get ready Tonight's the night Boys, what you're hopin' for will come true Let me be good to you You tough guys You're feelin' all alone You rough guys The best o' you sailors and bums All o' my chums So dream on And drink your beer Get cosy Your baby's here You won't be misunderstood Let me be good to you Hey fellas I'll take off all my blues Hey fellas There's nothin' I won't do Just for you So dream on And drink your beer Get cosy Your baby's here Hey boys, I'm talkin' to you Your baby'y gonna come through Let me be good to you Yeah!